I think back five years and remember how hard running one mile was...and how much I really, really hated that mile. I was not meant to be a runner just yet and simply wanting to lose weight and get healthier was not going to get me to continue doing something that I didn't like. It was as simple as that. Sure enough, I quit and decided that it was something that I could never do. I was wrong. I just needed to grow a little and try again.
That decision to try again years later was another big first step for me. For quite a while I found that I couldn't run very far (although it felt like I was running many, many miles!). I had just quit smoking and every time I ran my lungs would burn and I couldn't catch my breath for what felt like forever. It seems like this would be a negative thing but it wasn't. When I quit smoking I felt a little out of control and running gave me my control back. I was actively making myself healthy. I was helping to heal the lungs that I had hurt for so many years and I was able to choose not only to run but when, where, how long, how far and how fast. I think that having this control helped to keep me on my journey as a non-smoker. When I was able to run three miles without stopping the idea of smoking again seemed ridiculous. I had worked so hard to get build the strength and endurance for those three miles. At this point I began running a few 5k races. I remember thinking that a 10k (6.2 miles) was SO far. When I finally ran 6 miles I was very proud of myself but I felt like it was such a long run. For a couple years I a normal run for me was 3 to 5 miles and I was comfortable with that. My longest run was around 7 miles and I struggled through those miles pretty uncomfortably. Four years and many miles, many aching muscles, blisters, side aches and even a few injuries later I signed up for to run my very first 13.1 miles.
I had been toying with the idea of running a half marathon for quite a while. In the beginning of February I realized that I had been putting in a lot of miles and that 13.1 miles was actually becoming a realistic goal. I started looking online for local race possibilities. I was thinking that I could be ready by mid to late March. Unfortunately the local race calendar was not working with me. The closest I could come to this without putting it off for too long was March 3. I signed up. That was another big step. This time I knew it though and my stomach flip flopped right then and there. All of these negative thoughts started streaming in; What if I am not ready? What if I can't do it? What if it is too hard? Then there were the worries that were beyond my control; What if I get sick? What if I get an injury? What if it is freezing, raining, and windy?? It took me a little bit to get past this, and if I am being honest many of these worries followed me throughout the next few weeks of training and right onto the starting line of the race. A little fear and doubt is good for you though. In just the right amounts it can cause a person to strive to be better. I think I had just about the right amount.
The week before my race my I am pretty sure I dreamed of running every time I closed my eyes. In many of these dreams I was about ten miles into my 13.1 and I was exhausted. I am pretty sure it was safe to say that the amount of miles I was about to run was intimidating. Fortunately on the night before my race I slept really well. I was of course still tired when I woke up but only the normal "it's 7 a.m." kind of tired. I wanted to get to the race with enough time to get my bib and shirt and still have time to calm my nerves before the race began. This didn't turn out to be a good idea. We showed up with over an hour before start time and it turned out it only took five minutes (if that) to get my bib and shirt. Fortunately I had Travis and Bryce to keep me company and help me feel ready to run. When they announced that the runners needed to make their way over to the starting line I was pretty excited...and a little nervous still. We stopped and took a quick picture and then it was race time.
At about five minutes into the race I accidentally stopped my Nike+ workout. This meant that I had to start the workout over again losing the first little bit of my race. This might not sound too bad but it was very frustrating to not be able to check and see how many miles (exactly) I had ran at any given time during the race. I quickly realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do about it and decided not to be upset with myself. The first two miles were easy and exciting. During this portion of the run all of the runners (four mile and half marathon) were together. There is a wonderful feeling that comes with running a race, with being in the middle of a lot of people who are there to run, have trained and are excited about it, just like you. The starting line is one of my favorite places to be. At the two mile mark the races went different directions. I ignored the aid station (far too early for me to stop for water!) and made my way left with the other runners. At this point I was trying to slow myself down. I had been running far too fast and knew that if I kept that pace up I would regret it ten miles down the road! At about mile three I had found my comfortable pace and settled into it. The wind was pretty mild and I was feeling good. There was an older man who passed me and I mentally congratulated him on his speed and running ability. I can only hope to be a strong, fast runner in my old age. As I was running down a long straight country road I realized that I recognized the car parked on the side of the road. I was very happy to see Travis and Bryce standing on the side of the road cheering me on and taking pictures! It was a very welcome surprise! I gave them a wave and then was off to tackle the last 10 miles of my race!
After realizing that I forgot this I tried very hard not to think about it and just decided to hope that one of the aid stations down the road would offer me something. The second problem that I had was that I was too warm. This wasn't too big of a deal as I just tied my jacket around my waste and continued on. Running with a jacket around your waste for 9-ish miles is not ideal. If I had just gotten warm a mile earlier I could have handed it off to my boys as they cheered me on! Timing is everything, I decided to be okay with it because there was really no other option.
Every mile went by pretty slowly but when I thought back at the miles I had covered it seemed like they had gone by quickly. Thinking ahead to the miles that were still ahead of me was a little overwhelming. Of course the miles behind and ahead were pretty much the only thing occupying my thoughts. I did find a few other things to distract me along the way though. I noticed that there were aid stations every two miles. This helped distract from counting how many more miles to the end and instead turned my thinking to how much farther to the next quick drink of water. Then there was the man who had passed me around mile four. He would make it about a half a block (not that there were blocks on these country roads!) ahead of me. This would take a while because while he was running faster than me, it was not by much. He would then stop and walk and I would pass him. The first time this happened I felt a little bad for him and thought that he must not have paced himself well. After he passed me and then walked again a few more times I realized that was just how he did it. I made it my goal to not let him get too far ahead of me and as it turned out I passed him for the last time at around mile eleven.
At mile eleven I was getting pretty tired. On top of this the wind had picked up (understatement. more like a hurricane came in!) and it became much more difficult to keep moving forward. I leaned into it though and pushed myself to keep running. I kept trying to believe that 2 miles is hardly anything. On any other day this would have been true but I think that the last two miles of a half marathon just might be longer than all of the other miles combined!! I was questioning myself as to why decided to do this and kept begging, pretty please can I stop and walk?? Obviously I didn't allow myself that lazy luxury. At this point I began using mantras. The ones that rolled around my brain over and over were; you are stronger than this, the mind will give up a thousand times before the body will, just keep swimming (I don't know why Dory was singing in my head but she was!). These phrases helped me get through the last two very difficult miles. As I approached the parking lot of the school (where the starting/finishing line was located) I spotted Bryce as he was searching for me. This was a wonderful moment that I will cherish forever. I felt tired and achy and had been pretty miserable for the last 20 minutes or so but seeing Bryce get excited when he spotted me I felt proud. I felt so lucky to have him there to be excited for me and I felt like I had really accomplished something that was worth the excitement he showed. He and Trav hurried to the finish line to be there as I crossed it, that is a moment that I will keep with me forever.
