Baby Steps

The transition from living the normal everyday life of a mom with a teenage son to that of a mom of a Marine is a pretty gigantic leap. If you know me well you know that there is not one tiny part of me that is ok with war or violence of any kind. I’m the person who will cry over the pain that others have to feel. Being a military mom has forced me to look past war and violence, the part of the military that terrifies me, the really scary part, to hope that only good will come from my son being in the military. One thing that I didn’t know before he joined is that I’m strong enough to take baby steps along with him, I definitely wasn’t strong enough to jump right in but I’m getting there. I can support him and the military without supporting the violence that scares me so much and goes against all of my core values. The point I find myself now is much more calm and rational than where I found myself a few months back. My son is safe, I can talk to him, I can feel that he is safe and my heart is happy. Now I miss him like all moms do when their kids grow up and start their lives but in a much more normal way than that first horrible 13 weeks with little to no contact. I miss him as a young child who needed so much of my time, I miss him as a teenager who still needed me, just far less than he used to. Of course what I miss the most is the him that is not only my son but my friend as well. Now I find myself facing the unknown that the future holds. A very wise therapist once told me (recently) not to “borrow worry”. By this she meant for me to not to spend my energy worrying about things that may never happen. This was the best piece of advice I have received since June 10th, the day I watched my only son, my favorite son, walk away to begin his journey as a Marine. This advice has helped me through many anxious moments, it has stopped the panic, sometimes has pulled me back from falling apart for the 1,000th time. I find myself at a comfortable place in life, both personal and professional. My third grade class is full of students who have already stolen my heart and are currently very busy teaching me life lessons. My home, while a little emptier than it used to be, is full of love and a lot of happiness. My heart is so thankful to all of my friends who reached out and checked on me, some of whom I will forever be grateful to. So...I guess I am saying that it took me a long time but for now I’m ok. If you haven’t noticed my many Facebook posts I am trying to raise money or donations to send to deployed troops. When I first joined the Marine parents support group I thought I would never just be proud like so many other parents, that worry would always be the driving emotion, at least at this moment I am more proud than I could ever express and I have a much greater understanding of the military moms I have met along the way. It is not that they are not worried, it’s that they don’t let that worry eat them up the way I did. so here I find myself thinking what can I do to help? When I first joined Marine parent support groups I would read what the other moms said and would think that it was silly when they said things like “now I have many sons”, I get it now though, now I understand, I have many sons. My heart belongs to all of our service members. Every happy story I see or read, I celebrate with them, every heart breaking story, I grieve along side them and/or their families. This is why I have decided to send care packages to our deployed troops. This is why I don’t stop asking you for your help either by donating items to go into the care packages or by donating to my Go Fund Me campaign to help with purchasing products and paying for shipping. Thank you so much to those of you who have helped so far. If you haven’t and you are able please consider donating. We all experience the freedom our military gifts us, many of us feel it personally with a family member bravely taking that first step to ensure we continue enjoying that freedom. Let’s give back because freedom is not free.